Heather Gil
You shouldn’t fucking be here.
Tyler watched Maria run around the kitchen. Her motions were swift. The way she danced through her chores brought a growl to his lips. He hated everything about her.
Stupid fucking bitch.
The way her hips swayed whenever she was in front of him, the way her tattoos popped on her tan skin. The way her stupid afro still complimented her heart-shaped face. Her dark brown eyes still brought a churning in his stomach. Her smile. How he hated her smile. The stupid way she looked when her pouty lips practically thinned out when the corner of them reached her eyes. The dark bags she never felt the need to cover around him. How she dressed up like she was the hottest person alive.
His eyes went to the plate she placed in front of him- a chicken burrito made just the way he loved it. The way his dad used to whenever shit hit the fan.
She’s so annoying!
He watched Maria walk away before he hesitated to grab her hand. He didn’t want to waste a good burrito, but she made it. The woman he lov– hates.He pushed the plate off the table, the glass shattered on impact, and it was the only sound that rang through the house. The burrito looked as if it had been massacred. The sight of the chicken as it rolled away, rice splattered with the salsa and beans. Cheese and lettuce lay beside the ripped tortilla and glass. If he could have a funeral for anyone or anything, it would be the beautiful burrito he had decimated.
He waited to hear Maria scream at him, chew his ear out then swing at him so he could kick her out of his house. He knew the mess was enough to cause that kind of outburst. She’s a hothead, a violent piece of shit with no control. It’s why she left him and their son in the first place.
But she just came over. She had a slight pout with her cheeks puffed out as her eyes met his.
She swept up the mess and returned with a second plate for him. Tyler looked at her for a second, stared back at the second plate, and pushed it off.
“Pero Tyler, ¿qué te pasa? ¿No te sientes bien?”
Once more, Maria returned to clean up his mess. Her only concern was that he didn’t feel well. This wasn’t how she was supposed to react. She was supposed to start a fight. Hit him. Scream at him. Get in his face and give him a damn attitude! That was who Maria was. He knew Maria’s fear of hurting their child drove her away. They were young when they had Nico and they had sleepless nights with work and their newborn. Maria had broken down and left without so much as a word from her.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tyler asked. His voice hoarse as he breathed through his mouth.
“Nothing,” Maria said as she looked up at him. “You’re the one breaking plates.” She motioned to the pieces she had finally collected to toss out.
“You know what I mean! Why aren’t you yelling at me? Hit me!”
“I- I don’t…did you want to foreplay?” Maria asked.
“NO!”
“Then why am I hitting you?” Maria threw her hands up.
Tyler’s eyes scanned her body. He needed any sign she was tense, frustrated, or irritated. He tried to look for something that told him she was upset.
“Just do it!”
“Would that make you happy?” Maria asked.
Tyler stared at her in disbelief and clenched his fist before his eyes went to his feet. It wouldn’t. But why did she care if it did? She didn’t care when she left them.
“I want you to leave,” he mumbled.
“Then I’ll leave.”
Tyler immediately looked at her and hesitated to yell at her. He bit his tongue as his eyes glossed over. Every nerve in his body was stiff. His lips quivered while excuses ran through his mind. The sight of her turning away from him had him act without thinking. When she whipped back to look at him, he didn’t understand why she stared at him.
“Then I’ll stay.”
“I didn’t say I wanted you to,” he said.
“No…but you’re holding my wrist,” she said.
Tyler removed his hand the moment she mentioned it. He looked away from her, unable to speak with the weight pressed against his chest. He didn’t remember grabbing her wrist.
“¿Quieres que me vaya? ¿Quieres que me quede? ¿Qué quieres Tyler? ”
Tyler bit his bottom lip. His eyes ran around the room as if there was an answer somewhere on the walls. The silence settled on him, carving into his bones as he tried to organize his thoughts. He wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted from her. He was a walking contradiction with her. She always brought out a side of him he didn’t know existed. His childish side that would whine when she didn’t give him attention or would squeal in joy when she got him a toy. The tender side that cared about the way she felt.
How did she get a hold of me? When?
“Why did you leave us? Why did you leave me?” Tyler whispered.
“I wasn’t safe. Tyler, the day I ran out I was running on no sleep. I hadn’t slept for 32 hours and Nico was crying and I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle it,” Maria croaked. “I just wanted him to stop crying…the moment I realized I was a danger for even having those thoughts. I left. I was so scared that my anger would end up hurting Nico or you or both of you. Sure, it was fine for us when we were kids. We lived to fight. That was our thing. But…not our baby boy. Not to you…not when you were suffering just as much as me.”
“So, you leave for five years, and I should get over it?”
“No! Of course not!” Maria gently grasped his arm, her thumb brushed his forearm.
“Then why aren’t you fighting me?” Tyler asked.
He knew her pupils dilated when she was lying. Maybe that’s what he wanted. He wanted to see that she was lying. If she lies, why would he want her around? She wouldn’t be able to be honest with him about anything if she couldn’t be honest about a simple question.
“Because I hurt you,” Maria said.
Tyler’s eyes widened as he stepped away from her.
“What?”
“I hurt you, Tyler,” Maria said. “I fucked up. You have every right to tell me to fuck off if that’s what you want. I wanna make up for what I’ve done. I’ve apologized. I hope you will see that I’ve changed. I don’t want you to forgive me, and I don’t care if you never do because I don’t.”
Tyler bit his bottom lip.
“What I did was shitty. I shouldn’t have run out on you like that. I should have come back right away and explained myself. I should have told you my plans. I should have done anything except disappearing. I just wanna be with you and Nico. I don’t wanna be anywhere else, but I won’t force it. So, tell me to leave, and I will.”
“You’re a fucking idiot,” Tyler whispered. “Quédate Conmigo.”
“I can’t hear you.” Maria stepped closer, her eyes on him.
“Do I have to fucking repeat myself? Stay with me,” he said.
He could see her eyes light up at his request. Her arms wrapped around his torso, and he melted into the hug. Her warm embrace, he remembered how much he longed just to hold her. How her head rested against his chest, and her afro brushed against his chin. His grip tightened around her, afraid she would disappear again if he let go.
“I love you,” Maria said.
“I know.”
Heather Gil ’25 is a Writing major who hopes to continue her writing journey. She has written for The Laconic at Northampton Community College and was an editor. She loves writing and hopes to continue down the path in the future.